In the morning got up, ate, went to the Kruger Park Neshnl, drove through the gates Phabeni Gate (poeben-gate), negritosihi at the entrance were unfriendly.
We drive through the park to the north-west: a beauty! Impala, giraffe, the elephant is a huge, black (black elephant), in general, have seen all the big five o'clock, except for cats, with a lioness than saw, too, but from afar.
Toward the afternoon it became clear that I was sick once and bezpovorotno.
Somewhere at 16.00 arrived at Satara Rest Camp – there was need to park right in his bungalow, I initially did not prochuhal this alignment, and we as a suitcase fuckers pedal walked a kilometer and a half before our bungalow. Otelchik crappy but nice on the whole much. Self catering – the type where the kitchen and all that. But since Shop at the poor, and the nearest supermarket is where the hell knows – we are fun and personal self-cooking barbecue in the courtyard of the lattice is not experienced. Dining does not want a movie about lions looked in there the free open-air cinema, went to a snack before bedtime is something, though, sleep is not particularly desirable. , About 21:00, a snack that was not, you can only pay the buffet at the restaurant that something like 50 bucks from the nose and nazhiratsya to the dump. In the end we bought the store in a plastic salad bowl, plastic, and ate it, I washed it down with diluted Coldrex salad and felt that life is good. As they walked to the number passing through the reception, we stopped about scheduling aktivitis – was 2 minutes starts Night Safari and have come to the Negro, and asks us: Are you on a safari? To which I told him that we were not booked, but in principle not go against the cash to pay for and we with them. Safari cost about 120 rand from the nose. Here we go.
Bus complete shit: Chinese gruzovichik with the body, reworked into a bus. It was accidentally soveshrenno 2 free places, just for us. It was Destiny's real!
Saw bafolo, hippos, then show it in person I'm with the penultimate series of "bus" could see in front of a hundred and fifty yards from us two lions, going far ahead on our road towards us. All the commotion, we had the lions on the do not care – they both walked and walked on, were 30 cm away from the bus. Negro-driver begins to turn to go for the lions and look at them again, and, oh my God, pierces the front wheel!
22.00 Time, we in the middle of Savannah, at the point where there is no coverage of cellular operator, a moment ago, there were 2 hungry lion. The bus open – conventional roof, windows gone, still enraged that sits on the bench next to her boyfriend, silent type alkashka old, plump vysokogradusnoe swill from a big hole with a travel mug for drinking and drank beer from cans.
Ebony spreads a blanket on the ground at the wheel starts to creep under the car to unscrew some supposedly needed to replace the wheel bolts. I knew that Jack was not put there. After 40 minutes sitting and listening to the lions growling in the background, we went to the flat wheel in the direction away from the hotel. GPS showed that the hotel 8 km. Passing yards 700, Ebony found a point of cellular coverage, he stopped and began to recruit their colleagues. 30 minutes later came another poor avtobusiki and good jeep safari to 8 seats. And all we are people 35. In those who put the jeep with children and very old, he immediately went to the hotel. Another black man who came from a rotten bus number 2 was to help change the wheel of our Negro number of times, 20 minutes, they were busy, can not loosen the spare tire, we decided to take tourists and then picked on. We all boarded the "working" bus, and again the failure – in that moment he flew grip! Vonischa, the roar of the engine, and the negro crushing with full force on the gas – there avtobusiki stopped and decided to die. A couple of times perdnul and stopped.
Negros scratched turnip, they decided to change the wheel, after all. Another 30 minutes, they were busy, formed shumnayakompaniya headed alkashka tusila, plump, and smoking in the bus with nerabtayuschem burnt clutch, and the two of us and another Frenchman, who no gu-gu in English, with blacks having fun and watching the process of changing a wheel. We were silent, and the Frenchman (he was buhoy as I later learned), Negroes still gave the advice: "Monsieur, Ore vuar, monsieur!". Blacks do not care it was, like us, and the lions, and in general for all except bananas.
As a result, when the reserve was established, it turned out that she was very let down, but fortunately for us negros decided to go just like that. Apparently, the pump was not.
20 minutes later we were at the hotel.
Here is an adventure.
In the morning, breakfast miserable meal at the hotel for the money, we went to before going to the store and saw, among other things, it sold a pharmaceutical stuff, I took the only cough medicine, as He got me. The manual is written, and dilute the drink. Self medication – 96% alcohol, and there shit nigger bred. We built a little in a bottle of peach iced tea Bear, I otglotnul and ran out to puke once. Vomiting does not work, but was sick for about 5 minutes, I stood there and drool running down his mouth, and all the cleaners – negros sbezhalish pozyret to such a spectacle – a white pig pukes.
When I walked away from the failed bleva, we went to ride farther to the north of Kruger, and then had to go to the next point – the "luxury" hotel Jackelbery Lodge, Province of Limpopo. It is about 200-something miles. In Krueger was interesting – and the little animals looked pofotkali. Having made 10 pictures, found that mirror our Nikon camera down flat, although I do remember that night and put it on charge. More in this trip, we did not use fotikom – as it is now found to have broken down charge. Camera down and the battery is in order. The phone camera 8 megapixel pictures as I am now watching obtained more or less tolerable, because I'm not a fan photo and food on the brightness of colors, come to me. Ride through the park a couple of hours, we decided it was time to bring down, set the GPS is one of the gates to go, and drove off. At one point, the phone says the type of turn on a country road with asphalt, we dutifully turn. The road is killed, the real dirt road through the valley. No shrubs, just grass. After passing through it eight miles, I am very much getting all screwed up that puncture, given yesterday's experience, I would not want to do here in the middle tire savanna. I am ashamed to admit, but I lived to be 31 years and have never changed the wheel itself. I know theoretically what to do. Phone says that this road will be another 2 miles, I passed them – and ofigevayu. Fork in the road, both roads on country roads: judging by the navigator, you need to go to the right and the road there are simply overgrown and unsuitable for the movement, the more that we can not go on a tank, and on our unhappy Honda Civic, and really you can go just to the left . Conversely you do not want to go. We go to the left, the navigator said, "recalculated the route. Continue on this road for 15 km!! ". I was stunned. Thank God, after a couple of miles the road became more or less normal, and let go 60 km / h Leaving the asphalt, with a huge sigh of relief. However, the misadventures had just begun!
Leaving the Kruger Park and opened the trunk at the exit guard, thus showing that we have not stolen elephants, began to move in the right direction, and on the way saw a supermarket Spar. We stopped to buy some water, snacks, and I'm still dreaming about sim card, which to my surprise it turned out, and the cost of all three rand. The store visitors blacks 80 percent, but still 20% white, which can not but rejoice. I bought this regard, the saleswoman inside-negritosihi Wodak sim card without any contract and other shit like us, and said that I wanted to deposit 300 rand. She opened it out of some figoviny checks with pin codes, such as our scratch cards. Then I made a big feil – negritosihu asked to enter these PINs on my phone to Grandma assessed. And I did so not because I'm stupid, but because he was reluctant to deal, and I'm not a very good feeling, moreover, was in a hurry, because the the tour is written that we must come to the lodge is strictly up to 14.00, otherwise it behind the guest will not be included in all pre-paid aktivitis today, such as an evening jeep safari and all that.
Negritosiha began to introduce pins, but it did not work, and began to gather around her more and more negritosihi, and none of them could not be assessed. To my surprise, I decided not to swear, and freeze and just watch. After 20 minutes has been actively debated dozens of Negritos, why not get charged up Grandma and get out the error.
Then came one first, and said to me: Switch off your phone language gibberish into English. I switched.
Then they try – again does not work.
Following items note: exit any menu to a blank screen.
I told them: "Well, it is Impossible leydis as and there is a smartphone system Symbian is in the main menu, it is not a blank screen. "
Hearing the word "smartphone" and "Symbian", negritosihi hatched at me like Impala at a new gate, then another, talked among themselves in the language of Zulu, and they say there should be a button release.
I have them, thank you, i shall understand.
Then a white person told me to put dibs on the newly inserted into the phone the new SIM cards can only be 3-4 hours.
How this fact could not have known the saleswoman interior communication a mystery to me.
That evening I successfully activated all the pin codes.
The road to the lodge was cool at first – a straight line kilometer 70. It's a pity that our tin was not Cruise – control. Automatic, cruise control and no, I think this does not happen. Looks like negros do this Honda. If not for periodic repairs of the road, you can put all five of the quality of the road.
But what happened next – is pipets. Navigator leads to the gate with a large inscription «STOP», at first I thought that the road was blocked because I imagined that the hotel would not be in such a ass, where he was.
Reaching the gate, we found ourselves on the wide road with no cover, according to the piled sandbags everywhere, occasionally tempted to floods. Terrain – hilly, the road goes up and down, I was thinking all the worse because of illness. 12 km of this terrible road, the car I beat heavily on hummocks, poor suspension. Somehow I got to yet another gate without a name, the navigator said, "come." From the booth at the gate goes black, asks: "Where are you going?". "In dzheklberi Lodge" – we answer, then he looked voucher pozyrel to the list, was on the radio to communicate, and left. 5 minutes later the gate opened and we drove another 3 miles through the woods to the entrance to the hotel.
We were met by joyous negritosiha 25 years old with a gold front tooth. It was found at only 7 rooms and a super-type luxury lodge. Guests at the lodge were six: two of us, a couple of intelligent amerikosov 50-55 years, and a couple of Germans: the peasant 50, a woman 40 years, terrible as an alien.
Rooms with a claim to a luxury bed with gauze, all things-dryuchki, two showers (one inside the second from the outside), a large bath gels, fragrance in the toilet. But:
Toilet flushing after the first does not cover the tank, water flows and stops, leaving the outside shower, I felt the decent spider who wove a network out there, and hung himself peacefully, well and in the inner soul did not have hot water and cold pouring 3 drops per hour. So I washed, leave at 15.00, as designated negritosiha for lunch.
They sat at a table with two couples. It began: but who are you and where you are, oh, like in Russia? … is not it? …
As I understand it after the first ten minutes of dialogue, a German named Hans clearly did not like Russian, and also was a tireless joker. Constantly on the verge of hitting jokes, and with the American, and with me.
Amer from Oklahoma (then we have met with them in Zambia), always said that everything here is amazing, incredible, awesome, and unbeliveable, including shitty chow, which is prepared personally negrtosiha-hostesses: Pie dough with chicken, salad some shit that's all. The most important thing! When you check a half hour ago, she told us the same type that is absent in the tap water is undrinkable, it is possible to brush your teeth and bathe in it. Brushing teeth, I felt her nasty taste, and then began to rinse the mouth of the bottle with clean water. So, ladies and gentlemen, attention! Negritosiha brought us «amazing» homemade lemonade! After tasting it, I almost blevanul: put $ 100 to one, that it is made from this non-potable water! Well, not the creature?
At what reynzher sat and ate at the table with us, such as the high society gathered. Ugh, so disgusting. While you eat, every 5 seconds someone runs up and asks whether or not we are inju inju. Enough is enough! We must all lybitsya to say that the inju.